A Meeting Decides the Goal for the Week!

Last week, I chose to focus on having fun with my family without spending too much money. Despite spending the majority of the weekend shopping, I think it was accomplished. But then again, considering the nature of the trip, maybe I'm just kidding myself. However, we have a couple of things planned in the coming weeks that are already paid for, and then I'm going to try to focus on activities that are free or free for us because we are members (i.e., we are zoo members and Science Centre members).  I'll try to keep this goal in mind, and will make more financial goals in the coming weeks (including balancing some books and taking steps to rid ourselves of debt, which I've started in motion).

On to this week -- I was going to make the next little while a focus on health, but a meeting at work (a good one) has prompted me to focus on my career for the next six weeks or so. I'm currently working on the Canadian Securities Course and need to finish it relatively soon. That means reading about three chapters, or 100 pages or so, a week for the next six weeks or so. Of pretty dry material. It will probably occupy my lunches, commutes, late nights and weekends. But then it will be done. Maybe I can work in some small health goals over the next few weeks too, but this week, I need to kick it all off with some good study habits. My highlighter is poised. Ready, set, read...

Smiling and Enjoying Life

I've been trying to smile when I've been frustrated and think it's been working somewhat. More importantly, I've just been smiling more and I have to say that it feels good.

I have RBF -- resting bitch face. I've also been told or more than one occasion that I have resting sad face. Neither is a smiling face. Now, I'm not going to consciously smile all the time, like when I'm sitting at my desk or watching TV, but I have started smiling -- super slightly, I don't want to look like a cult member -- when I'm walking around on my lunch. And it feels good. I think it makes me look better, and for someone who's been feeling like they've been looking old and tired lately, that's an awesome thing. Think I'll keep this up.

For this week, I'm going to have/plan fun. This weekend is my husband's birthday and my daughter's preschool graduation. I love planning fun stuff to do, and so I'm just going to revel in it. However, I'm going to try to spend less money than I normally would. I've already spent some, and more than I probably should have, but I'm going to try to curtail any more without cutting out the fun. And the week after I'm going to be focusing on organization/schedules, cause I got some big changes coming.

In the meantime, cheap fun!

Getting Organized

I've been struggling to write this post and, actually get organized, for a couple days. It's significantly easier to write about wanting to do something than actually get started doing it. Obviously.

But after feeling frustrated and snapping a bit last night for fairly minor reasons, it's time to get started.

It seems sensible to me to start something small every week, mastering (in theory) an aspect and adding to it. I know some tasks/goals will take longer, and I've got the time. But I feel the need to dive in and hopefully have a small success, which with hope will spur me on to create new goals and realize more victories. I'm already halfway through the week (in the future I'm going to try to start something new on a Sunday or Monday), so starting with something small, and related to my issue yesterday, seems like a good start.

In general, I think I'm a fairly laid back person, easy to get along with and not easily flustered. If I get upset, I'm pretty calm. I rarely yell and I don't throw things or say nasty comments (I hope). But I'm also not the fun parent. I have a four year old and sometimes after several minutes of not getting listened to, I get frustrated and, having a sensitive daughter, I know this gets her upset. So, hating to see her upset, I need to stop the frustration, or the reaction at the very least.

So, my plan for this week is whenever I feel that frustration coming on, I'm going to stop and smile. I'm going to smile with the hope that the fake smile will soon become a real one. I've done it in the past and it's worked. The frustration melts away, understanding and calm return, the smile become real and it soon morphs into laughter.

So, I'm going to make it rule. And hopefully, it'll stick and we'll all be happier.

Me: The Project

About a month ago I turned 39. I am happy, content, fulfilled. I don't have a problem with aging. But I do have a problem with feeling of aging.

I've never been particularly active and I've never played a sport that I enjoyed. And though I've struggled with my weight periodically, I've never felt unhealthy. Until now.

I've been a vegetarian for 22 years; but having become and stayed a vegetarian for moral reasons, the health aspect of the choice never figured into things. My bad eating habits didn't seem to matter much. Until now.

I grew up loving to read and write. In my teen years, I discovered a love of art, though I never excelled at it. Once I became an editor, my reading slowed and then pretty much disappeared. Once I no longer had classes to paint for, my paints dried up and were thrown out. I didn't mind much. Until now.

I had a health scare shortly before my 39 birthday. In the end, I was simply not getting enough iron. But the panic attacks, extreme fatigue, feelings that I was going to die, the many other physical and mental symptoms and the ensuing tests at my doctor's office and at the hospital left me scared. The upside of it all is that I found out that my heart is healthy. I want to keep it that way.

When I turned 39 last month, a thought occurred to me. I felt old. Physically. Mentally. Happy but not healthy. I don't want to feel even older by the time I turn 40 next year. I want to change. I want to run with my daughter and not feel out of breath. I don't want to sit on the couch and pass on bad habits to her. I don't want to nip out to the corner store because I want something sweet after dinner. I don't want my daughter to move out of my house (admitted a long time from now, as she's just starting JK now) and find I have no friends or hobbies of my own. I want to know that I'll be around for all the important moments in her life and to have many more important moments of my own. I want to keep growing and getting better.

This probably seems like a bit of a mixed jumble right now. But that's the point of this blog for me. To get it all down, distill it into manageable bits and do something about it. Make life changes that are permanent and aimed at making my life and my family's life better.

So, here's some of what I'm planning on focusing on (in no particular order yet) over the next 11 months:

• Getting physically healthy
• Being present and not easily frustrated at home
• Eating more vegan meals/having more vegan days
• Getting my financial house in order
• Meeting a few key career goals
• Allowing myself to have time for things I enjoy

More things may come up. Goals and focus may change. My path may twist. I may meander. This is a journey. This is the first step.