Riding the Energy Train

I've still got my mojo! So, I'm going to work with it and ride this energy train for as long as I can.

Last week, I set myself two goals. First, to start/continue my daily gratitude emails and I'm happy to report that I have. Some days it's hard to think of things to write, but those are exactly the days that you need to write those three things that you are grateful for. It's an excellent reminder of how amazing my life is already and a reminder to notice and enjoy the little things and the little moments. My second task was to have a healthy start to the day. I've have been enjoying my overnight vegan oats immensely and they are so easy and filling that it seems like the perfect workday food. I have also been stretching before I get out of bed. But though I've been doing it I feel like I need a little more knowledge in that area. I know that the stretching will take time to work it's magic, but I do feel like I could benefit from know more stretches. I'll look into some more things I can do open up my back this week.

And with that, on to this week. Because I'm feeling so awesome and energized, I've given myself two tasks this week as well. The first is that I'm making this week Appointment Week. I've put off so many appointments for myself, putting myself and health behind everything else, that I've put off going to the dentist, having blood work done, getting my hair cut, getting foot cream renewed, etc. So, that ends this week. Each day I'm going to either make at least one appointment for the future (i.e., the dentist) or I'm going to check at least one of the appointments off my list. Many of these things will only take a simple phone call -- not a lot of work. Today, I'm getting my hair cut at lunch. Also today, I'm also sending my manager my employee evaluation and letting him know about other appointments I have (these ones for my daughter) in the future. I'll fill you on my list next week and write about what I've done.

The other task I've set for myself, which is considerably more difficult, for me at least, is to cut out my post-lunch or 3pm chocolate fix. This going to be hard, folks. Hard! But I will try. And if I replace it, which I think I'll need to do, I'll try to replace with something healthy and sugar free. Or maybe a small piece of dark chocolate? I stress Small Piece. Hm. I'll update soon. Wish me luck!

I'm back, baby!

I haven't done this for a while. A long while. I have been busy and life has thrown some curve balls. Not massive ones to be sure, but enough to make me not too focused on me. But a few good things have happened too:
- I completed the Canadian Securities Course, which is a big part, the main part, of my career goals pre-40.
- I have been making my lunch and bringing to work almost every day.
- I have been making strides in paying off debt and have been slowly chipping away at it.
- My daughter is now very happy to be going to "big girl school" and our routines around it are becoming set (and fewer meltdowns have ensued).
- I have been pushing myself do more active things and things outside my comfort zone (like volunteering for gardening at my daughter's school)

So, this week, feeling optimistic, I'm back. And have two goals for the week:

1. Start/continue my daily gratitude email.
This is something that was started by my sister-in-law more than a year ago and is a wonderful ritual. It fell off the rails a few months back, and I've missed it. Everyday you email (so you are accountable and are putting these positive thoughts out into the universe) people on the gratitude list (a few family members that also participate -- no looky-loos) three things that you are grateful for. It was started again today by my niece-in-law (is that a thing?) and I was very excited to see it in my inbox.

2. Have a healthy start
I have been waking up stiff and eating a sugary/white floury breakfast when I arrive at work. There are probably other issues with my morning routine, but these are the biggest right now. So, what I would like to be doing is spending a few minutes stretching every morning before I get going and then eating a healthy breakfast. I started this morning by having overnight vegan oats and they were both healthy and delicious. They are from a recipe by Oh She Glows blogger Angela Liddon. I love that they are simple to make and I can quickly make them the night before. I just don't have the time in the morning.

Gratitude, stretch and breakfast -- a good start to any day. Let's see how I do.

#Fail

Whenever I think of the word "fail" I picture Jack Layton in a federal debate, criticising a policy and ending with "#Fail." He would definitely have given me a #Fail for my lack of performance last week. What a week and weekend! $1500+ later and I have a healthy dog, need to find a new vet, ate out multiple times, owe my daughter some (free or cheap) fun after cancelling events and need to talk to the bank about consolidating debt and getting on a financial plan. 

So, once again, same goal but with renewed interest because we can't afford to eat out! Last night while making dinner, I also make rice and curry so I've got that for lunch, because I can't afford to eat out for lunch! So, plan is in place. Groceries are bought. No money is left. Gah. 

Last week sucked. Last week is over. Time to pick up the pieces and continue with a game plan. 

Routines, Again

I took baby steps toward getting routines in place last week. The morning and after school pick up seem to be going much smoother (though there are still lots of tears in the morning) and I'm powering through the CSC. But I've failed at a dinner routine and a nighttime routine. So, I'm going to break it down. This week: dinner routine. This week we are BUSY most nights after work (drinks with friends, a monarch butterfly workshop and a school book sale and curriculum night), so it'll be a challenge to make and eat dinner at a reasonable time this week. So, if we can do it, next week and after will be a breeze. I'm going to start today by writing out the dinners we are going to have every night this week. We have a wipe board on the fridge with the days off the week, so we already have the tools to get organized. I'm going to try to keep meals simple and healthy. We made some super healthy, veggie-packed spaghetti sauce on the weekend, that we can use in a pinch. The fridge and cupboard are filled with veggies and basics and we are ready to roll.

Next week, hopefully, we'll have dinner down and I can work on getting to bed, and getting my daughter to bed, like a civilized person.

Routines

This week, as we continue to try to settle our daughter into full-day junior kindergarten and before and after care, I'm all about the routine. As in I need to develop and adhere to some quick. Quick! I am in desperate need to develop a routine for the morning and actually getting to work on time, a routine for the afternoon and JK pick up, a routine to actually make dinner quickly and healthfully (and not eat out), a routine to get lunches made and forms filled out, a routine for bed time and a before bed routine for me thrown in for good measure (because I don't have a big enough list yet! or actually because I need to take five minutes to actually just take care of me).

I ran across this article by chance today, and I'm hoping that it may be helpful.

I've started reading my CSC text book on the streetcar on the way to and from work, as well as at lunch time -- so that portion of my life is starting to trek along nicely. And the last two days I've walked from the streetcar to work rather than taking the two subway stops south -- it's not a ton of exercise or fresh air but it's a start. And I've been cognisant of whether not I've been smiling while walking -- still working on that RBF, but it's coming along. I really do feel happier when I smile. In the evenings, I've started washing my face and putting on night cream -- which I know a lot of people would say, of course you do, but really I'm more of a fall in bed exhausted with make up on and no mouth guard in. And regret it the next day. But changes are happening. Now I need to work on a stronger routine for the mornings and get my daughter out the door dressed and with a full belly (and hopefully soon with a smile on her face eager to start the day, too). And then there's the ever-present getting dinner made dilemma. Ugh. That one may require a week or two of it's own.

Pause for Back to School

This week I've been a mess. In pretty much every way. My daughter started Junior Kindergarten. It's been a stressful, teary, guilty, not focused on me week. And that's okay. It will get better. Hopefully next week will be easier and I can get back to reading my textbook and adding new things to my list. But this week is just about survival. Emotional survival. Not thriving yet.

A Meeting Decides the Goal for the Week!

Last week, I chose to focus on having fun with my family without spending too much money. Despite spending the majority of the weekend shopping, I think it was accomplished. But then again, considering the nature of the trip, maybe I'm just kidding myself. However, we have a couple of things planned in the coming weeks that are already paid for, and then I'm going to try to focus on activities that are free or free for us because we are members (i.e., we are zoo members and Science Centre members).  I'll try to keep this goal in mind, and will make more financial goals in the coming weeks (including balancing some books and taking steps to rid ourselves of debt, which I've started in motion).

On to this week -- I was going to make the next little while a focus on health, but a meeting at work (a good one) has prompted me to focus on my career for the next six weeks or so. I'm currently working on the Canadian Securities Course and need to finish it relatively soon. That means reading about three chapters, or 100 pages or so, a week for the next six weeks or so. Of pretty dry material. It will probably occupy my lunches, commutes, late nights and weekends. But then it will be done. Maybe I can work in some small health goals over the next few weeks too, but this week, I need to kick it all off with some good study habits. My highlighter is poised. Ready, set, read...

Smiling and Enjoying Life

I've been trying to smile when I've been frustrated and think it's been working somewhat. More importantly, I've just been smiling more and I have to say that it feels good.

I have RBF -- resting bitch face. I've also been told or more than one occasion that I have resting sad face. Neither is a smiling face. Now, I'm not going to consciously smile all the time, like when I'm sitting at my desk or watching TV, but I have started smiling -- super slightly, I don't want to look like a cult member -- when I'm walking around on my lunch. And it feels good. I think it makes me look better, and for someone who's been feeling like they've been looking old and tired lately, that's an awesome thing. Think I'll keep this up.

For this week, I'm going to have/plan fun. This weekend is my husband's birthday and my daughter's preschool graduation. I love planning fun stuff to do, and so I'm just going to revel in it. However, I'm going to try to spend less money than I normally would. I've already spent some, and more than I probably should have, but I'm going to try to curtail any more without cutting out the fun. And the week after I'm going to be focusing on organization/schedules, cause I got some big changes coming.

In the meantime, cheap fun!

Getting Organized

I've been struggling to write this post and, actually get organized, for a couple days. It's significantly easier to write about wanting to do something than actually get started doing it. Obviously.

But after feeling frustrated and snapping a bit last night for fairly minor reasons, it's time to get started.

It seems sensible to me to start something small every week, mastering (in theory) an aspect and adding to it. I know some tasks/goals will take longer, and I've got the time. But I feel the need to dive in and hopefully have a small success, which with hope will spur me on to create new goals and realize more victories. I'm already halfway through the week (in the future I'm going to try to start something new on a Sunday or Monday), so starting with something small, and related to my issue yesterday, seems like a good start.

In general, I think I'm a fairly laid back person, easy to get along with and not easily flustered. If I get upset, I'm pretty calm. I rarely yell and I don't throw things or say nasty comments (I hope). But I'm also not the fun parent. I have a four year old and sometimes after several minutes of not getting listened to, I get frustrated and, having a sensitive daughter, I know this gets her upset. So, hating to see her upset, I need to stop the frustration, or the reaction at the very least.

So, my plan for this week is whenever I feel that frustration coming on, I'm going to stop and smile. I'm going to smile with the hope that the fake smile will soon become a real one. I've done it in the past and it's worked. The frustration melts away, understanding and calm return, the smile become real and it soon morphs into laughter.

So, I'm going to make it rule. And hopefully, it'll stick and we'll all be happier.

Me: The Project

About a month ago I turned 39. I am happy, content, fulfilled. I don't have a problem with aging. But I do have a problem with feeling of aging.

I've never been particularly active and I've never played a sport that I enjoyed. And though I've struggled with my weight periodically, I've never felt unhealthy. Until now.

I've been a vegetarian for 22 years; but having become and stayed a vegetarian for moral reasons, the health aspect of the choice never figured into things. My bad eating habits didn't seem to matter much. Until now.

I grew up loving to read and write. In my teen years, I discovered a love of art, though I never excelled at it. Once I became an editor, my reading slowed and then pretty much disappeared. Once I no longer had classes to paint for, my paints dried up and were thrown out. I didn't mind much. Until now.

I had a health scare shortly before my 39 birthday. In the end, I was simply not getting enough iron. But the panic attacks, extreme fatigue, feelings that I was going to die, the many other physical and mental symptoms and the ensuing tests at my doctor's office and at the hospital left me scared. The upside of it all is that I found out that my heart is healthy. I want to keep it that way.

When I turned 39 last month, a thought occurred to me. I felt old. Physically. Mentally. Happy but not healthy. I don't want to feel even older by the time I turn 40 next year. I want to change. I want to run with my daughter and not feel out of breath. I don't want to sit on the couch and pass on bad habits to her. I don't want to nip out to the corner store because I want something sweet after dinner. I don't want my daughter to move out of my house (admitted a long time from now, as she's just starting JK now) and find I have no friends or hobbies of my own. I want to know that I'll be around for all the important moments in her life and to have many more important moments of my own. I want to keep growing and getting better.

This probably seems like a bit of a mixed jumble right now. But that's the point of this blog for me. To get it all down, distill it into manageable bits and do something about it. Make life changes that are permanent and aimed at making my life and my family's life better.

So, here's some of what I'm planning on focusing on (in no particular order yet) over the next 11 months:

• Getting physically healthy
• Being present and not easily frustrated at home
• Eating more vegan meals/having more vegan days
• Getting my financial house in order
• Meeting a few key career goals
• Allowing myself to have time for things I enjoy

More things may come up. Goals and focus may change. My path may twist. I may meander. This is a journey. This is the first step.